Being a college freshman is an unusual experience to say the least. I am used to being independent. I mean, I was responsible for getting up and walking to school all by myself when I was in first grade. Even so, this whole out-on-your-own, away-from-home stuff is kind nerve-wreaking.
I am managing quite well, if I do say so myself. I am constantly pushing myself to get outside of my comfort zone. "Try new things." I say to myself. So yesterday, I did a little experiment.
I sat alone at lunch.
Since getting to college, I am always with others including my roommate, my friends, and my classmates. And, in the beginning, just meeting those people was a stretch outside my comfort zone. But now, being with people is the norm. It is also important to keep in mind that in high school, people are surrounded by people 95% of the time. With that being said, it is easy to assume that sitting alone in a room full of people is just as daunting for me as it is other people.
At first, I was nervous, but the more I thought about it, the sillier my nerves seemed to me. Who cares if I am sitting by myself? If I saw someone sitting alone, would I judge them? Would I even notice the person sitting alone at all? I started to relax. The entire time, I tried to be attentive to the things going on around me. I would not let myself hid in my phone or read a book. I simply made an effort to enjoy being there, in that moment.
I noticed that a few other people where sitting alone too -five people to be exact. Two of those five eventually had people join them, one kept her nose in a book, and the other two seemed to be glued to their electronics. I wonder how they felt. Do they sit alone often? I considered going up to them and asking, but decided not to. It's not really something society would think of as "appropriate" lunch talk to a stranger.
(However, personally, any other day I would go up and introduce myself to these people. I would ask them if I could sit with them. Although, if I did that, it would kill my experiment.)
Throughout my meal, I smiled at strangers. That's not out of the norm for me- I smile at everyone, all the time. This smile was an invitation. I wanted it to say "I'm totally cool sitting alone, but if you want to join me, that would be cool too."
No one joined me as I ate my lasagna.
That is okay though. I got over my fear of being alone at lunch. I need to realize that, now that I am in college, I will not be tied to other people anymore. In fact, I refuse to be tied to other people. I want to venture out on my own, create my own path. There will be times that I will be alone and I will find myself in a situation I have never been in before. It will be scary; it will be worth it.
I do want to note that four people did come up to me AFTER lunch to talk to me. Three of those four were people I have only seen around campus. I suppose that is another metaphor for life- patience is key or good things happen to those who wait.
Eh, you be the judge.
Until Next Time,
Me
