Forgiveness

I'm not going to lie.  I have been MIA on this blog for a good two weeks.  I thought it was because I had nothing to say, but now I know that's not the case.  I have plenty to say.  I just didn't have the gumption to say it.

So, in an effort to kill my funk, I want to talk about forgiveness. 

Forgiveness is a new topic for me.  I mean, yes, I have been forgiving people for stealing my legos and pushing me off the monkey bars for years now.  But, I just recently entered the real world.  I'm stuck in that awkward segment of time between childhood and adulthood- and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't having any growing pains.

This summer was supposed to be fantastic; I had it all planned out.

I was going to move to a nearby city and stay with my aunt.  Volunteering, job shadowing, studying spanish, and getting my motorcycle licence were on my summer bucket list.  I wanted to romp around town with new people, discover new things, and figure out where I was going from here.  I wanted to get a job at Ulta or Sephora- really learn about the beauty industry- and top all that off with a trip to the Philippines.  Only, most of that didn't happen,

and I feel like I wasted three good months of my life.

What happened?

I started my summer by ripping out all of my dad's stuff from my mom's house.  My parents are currently in the process of getting a divorce, and if I wasn't going to move dad's things, they would still be here.  Cleaning out the house was fine, it was dealing with my alcoholic mother that was the problem.

After that, I took a FANTASTIC trip with one of my friends from college.  We went to Nebraska, Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, and Southern California.  We swam and hiked and just rejoiced in the moment.  It was pretty great actually.

But, eventually, you have return to the real world.  When I got back, I sent my applications to Sephora, Ulta, and Macy's.  All of which wanted to hire me- but only if I agreed not to leave in the fall.  School is my number one priority right now, so that wasn't going to happen.

Without a job, I decided to continue living in my hometown.  I'd spend time with my family and friends as well as get my job back at the restaurant that had treated me- and my pocketbook- very well in the past.  I set it all up, and everything seemed to be okay.  However, when I called the restaurant to see when I was scheduled, there was a problem- a problem so incredibly stupid, so insanely idiotic, and so entirely NOT my fault that I could barely believe it.

So, here I was- stuck in my hometown without a job.  I applied for a different job- one that didn't offer nearly as much money as my waitressing job- and was *this* close to accepting the position when I backed out.  My dad and I had plans to go to the Philippines, and I wasn't about to accept a position, get trained, work for a couple weeks, then bail to go to a foreign country.  It didn't seem right.  I should have just applied at a different restaurant, because, low and behold, the Philippines trip fell through as well.

So, here I am now.  Jobless.  $1,000 gone.  My alcoholic, codependent mother causing problems.  I have spent more time watching Gossip Girl and YouTube than I have studying Spanish or even conversing with other human beings.

And I am petrified of what is coming next.

What if I hate my radio and newspaper advertising positions I have this fall?  What if I do poorly in Spanish this semester?  What if balancing an internship and a CA position gets to be to much for me? Most importantly, will my mom ever get her life together?  My head is exploding with questions and regrets and fears.  

I know that looking back on this post, I will feel silly for posting it.  However, that doesn't change how I feel right now.

I think that I just need to learn how to forgive.

My mom.

My dad.

Myself.

I found this on Pinterest a little while ago when I was helping a friend get through a difficult time:

Mistakes you made in the past, no matter how small, are just that- in the past.

Accept what has happened, learn from it, and make tomorrow better.

I will make tomorrow better.

Much Love,

Me

My Wish List...and My Wish List Realization

Do you ever get really...materialistic?  Like, you start thinking about how much better your life would be with *THIS* and that.

Today was one of those days.

My wish list includes:

-A scratch map of the world to document my travels.

-A polaroid camera for my need for instantaneous satisfaction.

-A really nice camera (Or, at least, a step up from my phone camera).

-Workout clothing- preferably with cheesy saying on them.

-Sperry's (To make my toes happy).

-MAC eyeshadow specifically in the shades Satin Taupe, Shroom, All That Glitters, and Mulch. I don't own any, and I am curious to see the difference between MAC make-up and other cosmetics. 

-Laura Mercier Silk Creme Foundation. It is the foundation raved about by Elle, Allthatglitters21, on YouTube.

-#Girlboss because this book looks inspiring and fantastic.

-Palmistry and Tarot Cards from urbanoutfitters.com because they look fun and useful in college social situations.

-Sigma Spa Brush Cleaning Glove. I think it would actually make me WANT to clean my brushes.

-A luggage scale because when I travel I have an irrational fear of paying overweight fees.

Creating this wish list board was fun, but, you know what?  It made me realize that all the things that I really want are things that I so do NOT need.  It was a good realization to have.

Wanting things does not make us bad people.  However, I think that it is important to remember that things won't make us happy.  With that in mind, I created a project for myself. School starts for me in 34 days.  That gives me a little more than a month to make a gratitude book.

My Gratitude Book will include things I'm grateful for- as the name suggests.  And whenever I'm feeling materialistic, I'll look at the book and remember that I have all I need.

Maybe I'll keep you updated on that project.

Much Love,

Me

My Everyday Make-up Routine

Today, I thought it would be fun to share my everyday make-up routine.

Step One: Concealer 

First, I use Garnier Skin Renew Anti-Dark-Circle Roller on my under eyes and Benefit Boi-ing (The product in the middle of the magnetic palette.)  on any redness, mostly on my nose.  I blend that all in with my beauty blender.

Step Two: Setting

I set my concealer with Rimmel Stay Matte foundation.  In addition to that, I was really tired today.  I made sure to set my under eyes with Bare Mineral Well-Rested Eye Brightener for extra brightness.

Step Three: Blush, Bronzer, and Highlighter

Next, I apply blush, bronzer, and highlighter.  My favorite blush is NYX in Angel; it gives me the perfect glow.  Too Faced Chocolate Soleil is the bronzer I used to contour today; It was my first time using it but I really like it so far.  Lastly, I used The Blam Hot Mama! to highlight my checks.  It is technically a shadow/blush duo, but it does a nice job of highlighting too.

Step Four: Eyebrows

Anastasia Brow Wiz and Maybelline Great Lash Mascara in clear is what I use for my eyebrows. 

Step Five: Eye Shadow

I use Urban Decay Primer Potion and the Naked 2 palette for my eye shadow.  I put the matte brown shadow Tease all over my lid first.  Then, a dark brown shimmery shade called Snakebite in my crease.  Suspect, a shimmery beige, is placed in my inner corners; Foxy (a matte bisque) is used on my brow bone.

Step Six: Finishing Touches

After curling my lashes, I put on They're Real Mascara and Urban Decay's Zero Eyeliner on my waterline.  Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain in Lovesick is what I put on my lips.

And that is the finished look!  Thanks for reading!

We Will Talk to You Later, 

Me