The Life in Which I Want to Live

I want my life to be explosive.

I do not want money.  I barely want recognition.

But I want to tell a story.

I don’t know what story to tell and I’m am fairly certain that I barely know the words.  But, slowly and surely I am getting somewhere.

I am guided by the spirit I feel inside of me.  It’s a fierce spirit.  Inside it is a warrior.  It is resilient and strong, but it knows how to be soft, kind, open, and compassionate.

Lately, all I know about myself is that I don’t know anything at all.  I don’t know where I am going or how I am going to get there.  But that doesn’t scare me.  What scares me the most is I don’t know who to bring, and there is absolutely no way I can do it alone.  This is a problem.

What I want in life is to exhaust every vessel of my body from the speed and velocity in which I live.  I want my passion and intensity to consume me. I want my failures to be catastrophic; I want my successes to be even bigger.  I want to live a life so passionate and so complete that when I die, the only proof I existed is how quiet the world seems when I'm gone.

The person I choose to take with me on this journey needs to keep me grounded.  They need to provide me with the perfect balance of realism and optimism.  They need to be able to carry me when I am drowning in an ocean of fear, disappointment, and self-doubt. They will protect me and selflessly allow me to thrive.

This will not be an easy job.

But if they provide me with that, I would be able to love them just as passionately and completely as I love life.  They will never feel unneeded, unwanted, or unloved.  They will forever have someone failing into their arms, rushing to their side.  I would be theirs- totally and completely theirs.

I don’t know if what I can reciprocate is enough.  After all, I am asking for a lot.  But it is my greatest hope that I would be enough because me is the only thing I have to give.

Until Later,

Me